The Myth of White Guys and Asian Girls


Besides losing my hair, being a white guy is another topic that I am fully qualified to discuss.  You see, since my lowly birth, I’ve been a white guy.  I’m approaching 30 years of life on this multi-colored planet with the majority of my experiences derived from being a white man.  Yet, the misconceptions about white men constantly stun me, especially the perceptions from other men who are not white.

Let me provide two recent examples.

Last week, I was working out in a gym with this guy from Canada.  He is extremely muscular; tall; wrinkle-free; intelligent; wealthy; tri-lingual; possesses Justin Bieber quality hair; and has a master’s degree, a great career, and a convivial personality.  He was giving me an American style spot on the bench as we were discussing the finer points of hunting (attracting) women.  I was sharing with him my vivid memories of a recent trip to Japan when he jumped to the obvious man topic of women.  He said, “I bet you got lucky in Japan, they love white guys.”  I laughed at him because I don’t think I’ve been randomly hit on since I was 22.  It’s even more humorous to me that Mr. Perfect was insinuating that he thought I would do better than himself with women in Japan due to the pigment of my skin which reflects sunlight on bright days.

When I was in Japan, I met another cool teacher who was not white.  While he was a very kind and caring gentlemen, he possessed no alpha male attributes and his list of perfections was not nearly as long as the other gentlemen’s.  Nevertheless, while traveling, he asked me why I didn’t try to talk to any girls in Japan.  He told me I should talk to them because I was white and I could be his secret weapon.  He also told me that he bet girls loved me in Korea because I was white.  I laughed at him because women in Korea don’t dig me because I have a big head and a big face.

These comments by other men are not rare occurrences.  Over the last few years while living outside of the United States, I have encountered numerous guys who think certain girls prefer white guys or will automatically pursue a white guy if he shows interest.  I’m not sure who perpetuates this myth, but as a white guy I can assure you it is false.  Girls don’t like white guys; they like attractive men.  Some of those men just happen to be white.

In February, I’ll have resided in Korea for two years.  While living in this country that is obsessed with physical appearance, I have never been hit on or had an Asian girl express interest in me.  In fact, Asian girls don’t even let me dance with them.  I’m not the type of guy who tries to take girls home at clubs.  However, I like dancing with girls for fun whether I’m attracted to them or not.  In America, if you are not creepy and know how to have fun, many girls will dance with you regardless of what you look like.  That’s not the case in Korea.  If your looks don’t match their standards for who they would consider worthy of being their future husband, they will not dance with you.  For example, when this white guy (me) approaches girls in Korea, they either push me away violently or scream “no hotel” and run away.

It’s even worse at my school.  My students are not amazed that I am white.  In fact, they tell me I am ugly every day and laugh at my hairline, my wrinkles, my height, and even what they consider an oddity: the line from my neck to my shoulders.  Many of my students think I am forty years old, and they tell me I am old every day.  In fact, I’ve seen far worse teachers score higher on evaluations from students based solely on their appearance.  I’ve asked my students why they scored me lower than other teachers.  Their most common response is, “Teacher, because you are ugly.”

It’s also hard for me to make friends at work with female co-workers because of my appearance.  Trust me, I consider myself very charming, witty, funny, and spontaneous.  However, they don’t like me because of my appearance.  My other two male co-workers have lesser personalities (they are good guys, I’m just humbly submitting I’m better at talking to people) but are very attractive.  Therefore, they get invited to do things by other teachers and are treated much better.  My school has pretty much let me know that they are ready for me to leave so they can bring in another teacher who “looks different.”

I just want to make it clear to the world that there is no physical advantage of being a white man.  Our hairlines are more likely to recede; we don’t create the appearance of diversity in the workforce; our skin wrinkles faster; it’s harder for us to be dark thus negating the tall, dark, and handsome moniker; and the world is evolving into a global community where being white represents a static past instead of a fluid future.

Simply not true.

So, what’s my point?  It’s not to complain or to give you the impression of low self esteem.  I’m currently talking to a pretty hot American who I completely adore.  Better yet, she will watch sci-fi with me and reads my blog.  She’s not scared that I think spaceships are sexy.  I’m completely satisfied with my dating life and I don’t believe for a second I am ugly.   However,  I can also accept that my skin possesses no magical, enchanting powers on women in Asia.  Therefore, let me conclude with two messages.

To my Asian friends, don’t look at girls with white guys and use your skin color as an excuse for not getting what you want.  Instead, focus on being interesting and looking the best you possibly can.  Furthermore, if you are Asian you are already blessed with better hair, a more symmetrical face and fashion sense than white guys.   Most foreign girls (or at least half) eventually become attracted to you once they adjust to living in Asia.  However, the ones who aren’t attracted to you generally attribute it to how skinny you are and your lack of aggression.  These are the only areas where you should be more like white guys and start building some muscle in the gym and start approaching more women.  You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Finally, this is to the white guys thinking about teaching overseas or working overseas because you think your whiteness in Asia will remedy the drought of women in your life.  In actuality,  cross-culture relationships with a language barrier are far more difficult to maintain.  Also, Korean girls are kind of a pain in the @$$ to date.  If you are not doing well with ladies in America, you will not do any better with ladies here because of the color of your skin.  The Asian women chase the attractive white guys just like the American women back home.  Plus, coming to a foreign country to pick up girls is an awful excuse for travel or existence.  Develop a personality, interests, matching clothes, and hit the gym to look the best you possibly can.  Those things will make you more attractive.  Jumping the Pacific Ocean (or waving your limited edition Harry Potter [Or Gandolff] wand) will not improve your chances.  If you’re ugly, it’s not a secret Asian women are unaware of.  You can’t hide your face.

I hope this clears up any confusion about being an average white guy.  If you have any questions about being white, don’t hesitate to contact me.  The reality is not as glorious as the illusion.  However, I fully intend to become the stereotypical rich white man so if I don’t respond just understand I am busy.  And trust me; if I do become rich, it has nothing to do with what I look like and everything to do with the changes I am making in my own life.

Further Research on this Topic

The Adventures of Charisma Man– A comic strip that supposedly shows the transformative power of being white in Japan.

Mapping World – How bias in the US blocks girls from realizing Asian men are deadly handsome. 

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171 Comments Add yours

  1. ybin says:

    Did you say that Asian (males, presumably) have better hair (than White men, presumably)? That cannot be further from the truth. Asian hair is stiff and thick, which means it sticks out when the hair grows out. Google Asian male porcupine hair. It’s a curse. Caucasian and Indians on the other hand have soft and fine hair which is way easier to manage.


    1. I think Asian hair is better – at least in Korea. Less receding hairlines and Male Pattern Baldness.


      1. ybin says:

        That has more to do with testosterone than hair quality. You know that, right?


        1. Actually is has to do with how the body converts DHT, which is a more common problem for people with European descent.


  2. gregschina says:

    I think Korea and China must be at different stages in this regard.
    In Beijing, though you have to go to certain parts of the city, there are places where white guys will be more welcome than people of other races. Though it seems to be more for flings/short term sexual relationships (the places are befitting of this: grimy ass clubs).
    I would definitely agree that when it comes to serious relationships and marriage most men and women here would only consider other Chinese, but whether that’s down to how culturally conservative people are or actual tastes It’s hard to say.
    Is there also a stigma in Korea about having inter-racial relationships?


  3. JoeinKorea says:

    I think you just wanted Asian girls on here to tell you you’re handsome.


    1. Neither I or my girlfriend care. If you read the article, you wouldn’t make that comment.


    2. bahahaha. I’m seeking compliments huh?


  4. jenwon says:

    Being white doesnt mean you can goto Asia and be a chick magnet, But being white means you can fish for certain types of girls very easily. There are a lot of asian woman that will throw themselves at a white guy. These arent the type of girl a decent man would want, but if you are just looking for a lay without much effort being white gets you a lot of pull


    1. kimchibytes says:

      I need to fact check this for Korea. Korean men are very tall. Apart from that, it’s a valid point.


      1. Voodoochilly says:

        Actually the average height of men in Korea is about 5 feet 6 inches.


        1. kimchibytes says:

          Yes, an internet average of all males in Korea would lead to this conclusion. However, the younger generations of Koreans are much taller due to the dietary changes and lifestyle in Korea.


  5. berzerker says:

    I think the whole “Asian girls digging white guys” thing isn’t a myth but it is a misreading of the evidence. Girls anywhere dig tall guys (why do you think they wear high heels?). Height is one of the biggest determinants of male attractiveness for a woman, above weight, full hair, poor eyesight and even facial symmetry for many. White guys are on average taller than Asian guys, so white guys in Asia stand out as more attractive because they’re taller, not because they’re white. Statistically being white will improve your chances with women in Asia because statistically you are likely to be taller than the competition. It should be called “height fever”, not “white fever”.


  6. Steve Beineke says:

    Been married 31 years to my Korean wife. From my perspective, Korean women are the best in nearly every regard. That is a generalization I know, because there are no doubt duds…but I couldn’t wish for my wife to be any more perfect. Intercultural/Interracial relationships are not difficult. Understanding and acceptance is the key. Case in point…my wife is the matriarch of our family…and hence…while we live here in the US (Idaho), our home is distinctly Korean in oh so many ways. Korean women are unbelievably strong and I wouldn’t want my wife any other way.


  7. I really enjoyed reading this. This is very true. Everything you said is so true. I’m glad you are able to shed light upon this stereotype. I also admire your sincerity. I think if most people were treated that why they would speak begrudgingly. Korea is all about looks. That’s why I’m scared to visit and/or live there. I feel like I’d have to lose 20 lbs and lose my tan.. and get plastic surgery in order to be able to walk outside without people giving me dirty looks. I’m also sad that you are treated that way. It’s a sad reality that people miss out on someone with humor and depth b/c of looks.


  8. Joe says:

    I’m an italian-Amercan who lived half my life moving through Asia but mostly staying in the Philippines (lots of chinese, japs and koreans). From my experience I’ve realized that there will always be prejudice anywhere you go. The minority will always be picked on or wronged. In my and my father’s case despite putting in years of effort into interracial friendships we were never really accepted into the group even though we speak the language and have known them for years. Asians usually try to steal and cheat us out of money we really don’t have even people we’ve known for years and have considered friends. And as far as dating goes I can attest to the fact that girls will date good looking guys and guys will date good looking women. If you’re having trouble dating you probably need to work on yourself…. If you are bullied in America for being Asian you will be bullied and abused in Asia for being white/indian or of a different race. It’s the same everywhere. The sometimes just takes on a different form. Ex whites are usually bigger and more muscular. No sense in bullying physically or verbally tricking and isolation works better. Despite all these we as the human race need to learn to accept our differences and live together as one. Racism is a silly concept embraced by the less evolved and those who have never traveled or opened their minds.


    1. David says:

      I know I travel a heck of a lot and have been to Japan and PI and Singapore, etc. You may have had a bad time adjusting to the environment and what not and made a lot of mistakes on your route in Japan. For one I know I am young way younger than in my 30’s like early 20’s I have always ran into problems with Japanese women where I am constantly on the go due to work. Sometimes I am not even reachable. Looks in truth from my experience are only the things girls look at first once past that period it’s a lot of body language and communication and what not. Yes in Japan I started having issues with the language barrier. PI man many of my coworkers are from there and going out with them and meeting with there family and single women. It can be a death warrant. Every payday everyone of them in a company of around 10000 hit western union and I have nearly signed my life away on many occasions. Different countries different responses too. Plus what the heck was going through your head when you thought Korea. Those guys are a lot like the French. Worst people to be around in the far East by far with the occasional cool cat. I think you may just be approaching the crowd wrong. But there are obvious signs your communication skills are underpar. Far under par. Plus girls do like confidence and what not. This is in truth a pity me party. I have grown cool with the fact that I at this time can’t have a decent relationship because of work. And most of my female coworkers are already married or seeing someone. So I have come to accept that until I settle back home.


      1. David says:

        Lol I was commenting about the article just first time doing this lol. So not towards u but the author of the article.


        1. kimchibytes says:

          Obvious signs my communication skills are under par? Enlighten me.


  9. Bobby says:

    To be honest, I’d say this article is pretty much BS. I sort of agree that an ugly guy will have no greater success in Korea (due to cultural insistence on attractiveness), but average-to-above-average white men (by Western standards) generally correlates to above-average-to-hot in Korean standards. Yes, some (perhaps most) Korean women prefer Korean men, but this phenomenon nevertheless exists for a meaningful portion of the white male population in Korea.

    There are many reasons for this, including some degree of preference for certain features more common in white people(fair skin, high nose bridges, round eyes, etc), exoticism, extra attention, perception that they are from rich countries, etc. I won’t go into all, but they are fairly obvious.

    My point is NOT that a majority of Korean women prefer white men, or that a white man can more easily pick up an average Korean woman than a Korean man. My point is that many (probably most) white men will likely have better success attracting women in Korea than back home. Pay particular notice to the qualifiers I have used and the true scope of my argument. I admit that it may be true that a significant percentage (perhaps most) Korean women either refuse to date or enter a meaningful relationship with a white man. But guess what? The remaining women who ARE willing to date/marry white men vastly outnumber the number of white men in the country. In addition, some actively and sometimes exclusively pursue white men (some may say that they are sluts or just looking for flings, but we all know that not all of them are, and the insistence that they all or even mostly are is both highly racist and misogynistic). The vast majority of long-term white male expats are married to Korean women, and there is really no good reason to believe that any significant number of Korean women who actually do date Western men are not serious about the relationship any more than what one would expect normally.

    I don’t know how “ugly” the writer of this article is, but I think if he actually pursued Korean women, rather than simply noting that they don’t hit on him or express overt interest in him, he would probably find himself in a relationship with one fairly quickly. Moreover, if he insisted on marrying a Korean woman, he would likely find one at least as easily and of similar attractiveness as a western woman.

    A black guy will not experience the same effect, but if he is handsome, he will do very well (though not necessarily better than in the West) in Korea as well due to his innate exoticism and extra attention combined with his attractiveness. It is simply not true that black men experience some huge difficulty dating Korean women. The percentage of women willing to date/marry a black person may be low, but overall it is much higher than the number of black males.

    A lot of people in the comments, and in the article itself, are attempting to debunk a myth by setting up a straw man (the idea that all korean women prefer white men). That is simply stupid. Critical thinking skills are helpful. Saying that a white man can easily date Korean women in Korea is NOT the same as saying all Korean women prefer white guys.


    1. kimchibytes says:

      In the first sentence you agreed with the whole premise of the article. Being white does not make you more attractive to Asian women.

      With that said this is wrong –

      “My point is NOT that a majority of Korean women prefer white men, or that a white man can more easily pick up an average Korean woman than a Korean man. My point is that many (probably most) white men will likely have better success attracting women in Korea than back home.”

      Absolutely not. This is a ridiculous claim. White men will have less success with Korean women because they likely do not speak the language. Communication is the key to success and that drastically decreases by moving to Korea.


    2. 서성균 says:

      gm.. Channing Tatum is very handsome in USA, but Koreans don’t think he is handsome. Think about it. There is a different beauty standard.


      1. I agree. I do very well in the USA but I did horribly in Korea. Koreans go more for pretty boys and American women tend to go for a more masculine look. I also think American women value personality far more than Korean women. To be fair though, I was never fluent in Korean. That obviously has a lot to do with it.

        But, I’m generalizing. There are certainly differences between preferences in cultures but everyone is also an individual at the end of the day.


        1. 서성균 says:

          And Seaphrael from other comment said ” I always see pretty average or not so good looking western guys with really hot Korean girls, and they always tell me that they see great looking western guys with average looking girls. Girls who are average looking to them are often hot to us, and guys who I see as really average are seen as really attractive by a lot of Korean women.”

          By the way, I don’t know why I can’t comment below the post about hanbok vs kimono
          I tried several times and failed.

          I tried to share these gorgeous dress and ladies


          1. It might have blocked you if you tried to share multiple links. If you’d like, I’d love to have you write your opinion on a few ideas. I’ve always wanted more Koreans to share their opinions on this site, but writing in a foreign language is likely intimidating. I know I’d be horrified to write an article in Hangul. But, you seem like a smart and kind guy. I’d help edit and set up your article to make you feel comfortable.


        2. 서성균 says:

          Though Korean girls seem to only pursue shallow things. but they value personality and are attracted to it indeed. I gaurantee.
          I saw ugly Korean guys got pretty Korean girls many times.

          . But I guess you haven’t had enough chance to demonstrate your good personality and inner things
          because of language barrier and situations.


          1. I was there for five years. I can tell you, personality is definitely more important to girls in the West. The first questions Korean women always ask are about height, money, and job. Korean women never wanted to talk about ideas, passions, etc.

            Don’t take my fairness as a concession – I had plenty of experiences.


        3. 서성균 says:

          You got me wrong . I didn’t compare Korean girls to American girls.

          What I mean is that even though Korean women ask about height , job , etc.. , they are actually attracted to inner things.

          I have tons of experiences to prove it .


          1. Sure. I’m sure you’re right. I’m just saying, I think western girls put more value on personality than Korean girls. I have lots of experience, too.

            But here’s my point — Korean women ask about those things first because they are more concerned with superficial stuff than western women. Like I said though, every individual is different. I’m sure there are some Korean girls I didn’t meet who are all about the personality.

            Finally, being superficial is not necessarily a bad thing. Korea is a much more competitive society than America and whom a person marries is very significant. I don’t think it’s bad that Koreans do this, it just never played well to my strengths. I hope you understand.


        4. 서성균 says:

          Of course I agree that Korean women are more concerned with superficial stuff than American women.

          I just mean that superficial stuff isn’t only thing that can attract Korean women. Because women is hard-wired to be attracted to inner attribute of man.

          also I think that social and economic thing affect girl’s choice about dating . You can see more gold diggers in economical poor and unstable countries. ( among mordern capitalism countries)

          And I don’t know what exactly you are talking about. writing an article on this website? or comment? Anyway thank you for welcoming my opinions


          1. I would love for you to write an article about Koreans and their views on these issues. You seem like a cool guy.


          2. 서성균 says:

            I didn’t know that there are other writers here. Any article about Korea? .though I’m not good at English, maybe I can write some. . I can’t promise it now. But If I write a article where should I send it?



              I’ll edit it, add pictures, and help clarify any writing. You approve of the final product after I post it.


          3. 서성균 says:

            I see. I’m not sure whether I can, because it takes me a long time to write an article in English. thus I can’t promise ,but If I write , I will send email to you . tho I don’t know when it will be


  10. Chris Edgar says:

    True story. I lived in Japan for nearly 12 yrs. There are Japanese women that prefer different races as do Americans. Some view Gaijin as playthings as well. White or whatever color, doesn’t matter. My wife is Japanese. We lived together before we married. She is not your stereotypical Japanese woman, very independant. We have been married 15 yrs and known each other longer. Its not without its challenges, Most American men go to Japan expecting the women to speak English and show little to no desire to learn Japanese. My situation was reversed, I learned the language and it enhanced my experience that much more, plus it allowed me to meet my wife. Regardless of race or nationality, ther will be cultural and language barriers.


  11. amiress says:

    are U black? don`t worry about sex with kimchi girl

    they like your big cock

    caucasus>>>african>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(no one night)>>>> asian

    you can sex with preteen, you know?

    korean jailbait age is 13

    but no prostitution

    do not give money to them


  12. steve says:

    I found this blog after googling asian girls being attracted to white guys. I am 29 year old guy born and raised in the US and I seem to attract korean and other asian girls a lot here. I am currently dating two of them. I am very attracted to American girls but they are just not that into me. I guess it is just something about my look or personality


  13. Isaac Goldstein Goyim says:

    dude you’re just… ugly
    its not because you’re white or anything of the sort, it’s because you’re ugly. there are ugly men in all races


    1. kimchibytes says:

      Bravo Isaac, that’s the point of the whole article. Skin color does not matter; some men are just attractive and others are not. But regardless of what you think of me, I got personality for days and I assure that’s good enough for several women.


  14. OkKate says:

    From the white men I’ve know in Korea, they can get girls usually. However, the type of Korean woman that goes for white men is not the average Korean woman. The thing is most people prefer people from their own culture and race. That’s the norm. Having the same language, the same cultural norms, the same cultural values, the same families, the same education system, etc,. is what most people anywhere prefer. Asian women with white men in the USA are the most common interracial, but are still an incredibly small minority compared to white/white couples. So of course, Korean women are going to prefer Korean men. I mean who gets the most desireable women in Korea? Korean men do. Of course they do, it’s their country and they are the ones that run it. So when I encountered white men who thought they were so awesome in Korea because of their whiteness, I found it incredibly narcissistic. Sure, white men can get Korean women. However, for Korean women to date white men, there is a HUGE stigma against it. Korean men dont’ want to date Korean women who have dated white men. Also families discourage it because of the stigma and because of the difficulties in communication they would have with their son in law if he were foreign and did not speak Korean.

    The majority of white men/korean woman couples don’t last. However, there are some that do and are successful. Relationships are hard enough when you are from the same country, race, language, etc,. and when you add in international issues such as visas, language, cultural norms, racism, etc,. it makes that relationship 100x harder. So I think people should realistic about their expectations when they go to asia in terms of dating. Dating will happen, marriage rarely, and of course if all you want is to have sex and a fun time, that’s probably the easiest to do.


  15. Samuel Kim says:

    Most of the fetishist white men looking for Korean woman fall into the category of insecure losers who couldn’t get a REAL job and a white woman back in their respective countries.


    1. Not true, we are all attracted to different people. I think you are more insecure of foreign men dating your Korean women. That’s no reason to hate on anyone. At the end of the day, if anyone can make a relationship work, I say go for it. Relationships are hard enough, no reason to discriminate because of race or skin color.


  16. JJ says:

    What a loser! You can’t score because you are a dork or pity-seeker. I know plenty of guys who don’t have the looks but who have PERSONALITIES. They do quite well. Typical white self-hater. Roll over, you’re done.


    1. Wow. I don’t think you read the article.


  17. eduardo says:

    Brent – I read through this blog and for what it is worth, I would like to give my perspective as a white male raised in the midwest, which is based on living, working and having relationships with Asian women. About the whiteness issue, I respectfully disagree. I do agree that attractive males attract women (of course), but what one considers attractive is subjective. For example, I have met women I thought were attractive, but after getting to know them, they were no longer attractive and vice versa. What attractiveness does for you is that it gets you the introduction and as 1 person stated, if you are boring after 2 minutes, you are done. Based on my experiences, charisma is the winning trait. If you have charisma, you will get dates.

    I can tell you as a fact and based on my actual living in Asia (china, Singapore, Taiwan, Vietnam) and having relationships with Asian women from those countries as well as others, whiteness is a preference for many many people in asia. That does not mean the whiteness has to be western white, Asians generally prefer to be white as possible. For example, in South Vietnam where it is 90 degrees every day of the year, you do not see dark skinned women. What do you see? Despite the hot and humid weather, you will see most women in public fully dressed from head to toe and their entire bodies covered to avoid the sun having contact with their skin. Even when they ride their motorbikes, the only things you can see are their eyes and the hair extending from the helmet. You will even see them wearing jackets! I really can’t imagine how uncomfortable that must be in the heat and humidity. What does that say about whiteness? It is obvious and yes, they prefer whiteness, even from their Asian male counterparts.

    However, that does not mean you are the king. It is just a preference for men of lighter skin. I agree that attractiveness is important, but being lighter skin is also very important, if not more. Trust me, black men, they will have a difficult time no matter how attractive they may be. How do I know? Again, Asian women talking about men to me. Let me tell you, they are not generally attracted to black men and 1 group of women told the reason is that they look dirty, then they laughed, but you know the laugh was not a joking laugh because that is what they think. That does not mean that a black man cannot date an Asian girl, just getting that introduction is more difficult based on their bias. Therefore, I respectfully disagree with your assessment that being white is not an advantage in Asia. Believe me, I hear Asian girls all the time talk about skin color. If a guy is attractive and dark, his odds are low. If he is white and attractive, much higher odds.

    With respect to attractiveness, like I said, it is subjective. I have met many beautiful Asian women and most of them, I would never marry. Because inside they are not attractive and that is what counts in my world. I disagree with one post that stated women that are not after a home, car or fat bank account are the bottom of the barrel? I see it the opposite, girls that are materialistic are the bottom of the barrel and those traits have nothing to do with economic or social standing because I have met both poor and rich women with that same mentality, what can you buy me? Not my kind of women because they have -0- or low substance.

    You say you do not find Korean women attracted to you? Maybe you should do some research and/or understand, generally, that Asian women are not assertive. They do not want to come across as an easy lay and many are traditional. Thus, they may be interested in you, but you are not aware of it because they are not going to let you know! Good Asian girls take time and are very picky. It is a slow process, but you need to find a way to meet them without coming across aggressively or desperate. So please do not think Korean women are not attracted to you, I think you do not fully understand their approach about meeting a man. I do not have a lot of experience with Korean women, but I have worked with and dated a few (both Korean and usa based). So I would not get down on yourself about your looks, especially if you have personality (i.e., charisma) because if you have that, then you will be attractive to the right women.

    Let me tell you, meeting women as an adult male is not easy in any country. For example, I have never had a problem meeting girls or having girlfriends. Yes, I always had western girlfriends growing up because there was no diversity in the Midwest. However, when I went off to college in Boston, that changed everything. My first 2 girlfriends were western, but I was crazy about a girl from south America. I was also attracted to Asian women, but just like the latin girl, I just did not know how to approach her, given my Midwestern background and -0- experience with people of other races and cultures. However, as luck would have it, my first roommate was from south America and we became best friends (still close today 25 years later). I became involved in the int’l student body and my life dating western women ended. Yes, I have not dated a western woman since 1988.

    As I became more of an international person, meeting non-western women became easier. Even after I graduated and moved to NYC, I still dated non-western women. No, it is not because of the stereo types that I think foreign men make because they do not like western men dating and marrying their women. I found that many non-western women were and are, in general, more conservative and traditional and that is who I am and I am attracted to those character traits. However, as an adult working in NYC, people think it is so easy to date with 10 million people. Well, when you work 60 to 80 hours a week, guess what, it is extremely difficult! So I do not know your work situation, but I am sure in Korea is not different in NY, if you work a lot, it is not easy to meet people.

    So what did I do? I moved to South America for 1 year. I learned the language and have been fluent for more than 20 years. Yes, being white in South America and speaking fluent Spanish makes a huge difference in meeting local girls. Trust me, many latinos in latin America are just as racist as white people against dark skinned people (i.e., lighter is better, even to latinos). What am I trying to say, if you are in korea, you should become fluent ASAP. How do you think that wonderful personality of yours can be communicated? So what I see, I see an adult male working a lot and does not speak Korean. You have many odds against you at this point and thus, I recommend you learn Korean, take some night classes, join a church or temple or join some social groups. I guarantee you will have dates with Korean women. Being foreigner, even if you do not consider yourself attractive, will get you attention and if you speak Korean, your dating world will change.
    Back to attractiveness, I just want to point out that you may think what you want, but others will have differing opinions about your attractiveness. For example, I have had girls tell me I am attractive and others tell me I am not. I do not lose sleep over it because I am who I am and if they do not find me attractive, so be it. Stop worrying about it, because what I have found from my international life, as 1 girl stated here, the rules of dating are pretty much the same.

    What does that mean? Despite I have dated girls from every continent except Africa, I do not treat them any different from any other girl. Yes, there are subtle differences, but in the end, the pursuit of true love, respect and happiness is similar.

    With respect to Asian girls, like I said, if they are a good girl, you need to work at it, but they are still women and you need to remember that. Of course, there are bad girls everywhere. Just like there are gold diggers in the west, there are gold diggers in the east. Trust me, the behaviors are similar. I have had my fair share of Asian gold diggers, but it did not last long. If you know what to look for, it is not difficult to identify them. I actually dated a beautiful girl from Ha Noi and although she was sweet, kind and respectful, in the end, she just wanted the bank account. Even after I ended it, she called me and tried to be sweet, but it was still a request for me to spend money on her! Of course, I have had others that get mad and basically will not talk to me. What do I say? GOOD.

    So where am I going with this? Before I met my wife, who is from Vietnam, I was not happy with my experiences in Asia. I did not have a problem meeting women, I had a problem meeting a good girl, a local girl. I even did online dating and boy was that a surprise and not in a good way. I was thinking about transferring my job to SEA because living there makes it much easier. However, I actually came across the profile of my wife to be. I did not think much of it. I sent her an email to introduce myself and I was not expecting a lot. She is university educated and has a professional career. To my surprise, her English was pretty good so we could communicate. I thought we could be friends and did not think much of it. I was in the dating scene at the time, but nothing serious.
    Her email was kind and sweet, as the beginning always is like that. I asked her if we could talk on skype and to my surprise, she said yes. Well, as soon as I saw her, my heart jumped out of my body. But of course I did not tell her or show her. I just talked to her as I would any other girl I meet. We chatted for months, not every day, because I was not about to push this thing and was not expecting much. Remember, Asian women, good girls, are not assertive. So I let this go on for months and we became good friends and one day she asked me if I interested in being her boyfriend. Of course, without hesitation, I said NO. I was not comfortable. Well, many months after that, she told me that if I had said YES, we were finished! By me saying NO, that made her crazy! Why would a white guy not want to be the boyfriend of a beautiful and educated good Asian girl? Maybe it is fate, but I was just being myself and treating her as I would any other girl I am interested in dating. Point, do not get caught up in these stereotypes, just be yourself!

    Please understand, even though I said no, it did not make her mad, sad or angry. It actually made me more attractive to her. So despite me telling her no, we still chatted and our relationship kept growing. She was always sweet, kind, caring and understanding. I was amazed at how good she was to me, despite her not being my girlfriend. She shared all with me about her life, her family, her education, her work and her dreams. Of course, I managed to arrange some business in Vietnam and off I went.

    I do not want to make this long so I will keep it short. What did I learn from her? She never talks about money. Sometimes she will pay willingly without hesitation and if I try to repay her, she gets mad at me and refuses. One time she said to me “if I take your money, I will feel farther away from you.” You get the point?

    In the end, people have preferences and nobody can say one is fact vs fiction because all depends on your life experiences. So my friend, forget all the myths and stereotypes, just be yourself.


  18. kifa says:

    this article essentializes race so much. bottom line is that the power of whiteness (benefiting in the labor, dating, cultural market) in asia if you are read as “white” is real. it’s one reason whites are already identified as “native english speakers” in koreans while other minority (including asian) americans are not (ex. korean americans are “gyopos” and not “native english speakers). there are even ads that say: 45,000 won/hour for a native english teacher, no gyopos. so.

    this sort of logic transfers, not surprisingly in the dating world. so while i “sympathize” with your personal struggle to feel any privilege in asia, the fact that white americans can simply go to asia after graduating from college and make decent to great money by simply “teaching” their mother tongue (while most other countries in the world–let alone korea) can simply go to the u.s. and ‘teach korean” speaks to this unquestioned privilege. you could say “that’s just how the world is” but it would behoove you to at least realize that YES if you are read as “white” in korea (not to mention the u.s.–ferguson and racial profiling anyone?) you have an automatic advantage–regardless of how many individual white guys (ugly or not) do or do not get attention from asian women.


    1. Yes, Native English Speakers have an advantage for teaching English but they are also looked at as second class citizens in Korea. Your privilege rant shows what you’re really interested about, but this article is more or less pointing to the fact that Asian women are attracted to individuals and attractive men, not just to white guys. Your comment is severely misplaced.


  19. Upon attending my sister’s wedding in Seoul (she’s caucasian. He’s Korean. They met in the west) My receding hairline/stern look drew comments like ‘Bruce Willis’ and ‘Nicolas Cage’ (I look like neither of those guys)- by some of the nerdy nice guy friends of my sisters ( “Useless but thankyou”? i felt like saying). Unfortunately, I too had the misguided opinion that maybe all my lady problems would end in Korea. Oh sure, I got one translated ‘you’re a handsome guy’ style comment from a cute Korean girl (my sister’s work colleague- who I met briefly). But upon taking social initiative with some of the other lovely korean girls- my ‘confidence’ was met with indifference, perhaps the odd shy laugh, but mostly I was getting polite rejection. I did feel like it seemed if one was a white man in Korea- one had to have the sharp cheekbones and effortless charm of a brad pitt type guy and dress like some American Collegiate Hero or something.


  20. ripper says:

    Whites don’t have a tendency to wrinkle more. Blacks wrinkle more than white do just look at old black people they wrinkly as shit especially the old black people in tribes super wrinkles like a shar pei.


  21. nat says:

    Brent you must be butt ugly if the girls aren’t talking to ya. Seriously, I don’t know what you are doing wrong but I know plenty of Korean girls are interested in different nationalities and these guys would be easily passed over in their own country. You don’t look all that bad in your profile pic however I know appearance is important and its way better if you can speak the language a little. Having said that Korean women as in most countries are after attractive looking males, tall etc. Money is also equally important, but can you blame them? Who wants to struggle with a partner and end up poor later on in life?
    Educated and/or open-minded women are easier to talk with in my experiences, also having Korean male friends that can introduce you to others goes along way.
    Having said that I agree with you, being white doesn’t give you the ticket. It’s a whole host of things, as it should be. 🙂


    1. Yeah, being short does not help with the dating.


  22. MerlinTheWizard says:

    I think its worth pointing out a couple of things here…

    First of all, Koreans are quite different from other Asians when it comes to notions of race and culture, and their attitudes towards interracial dating. In my experience, even in Western nations like Australia and New Zealand, Korean girls tend to exclusively date Korean men, avoiding even other East Asian ethnicities like Chinese and Japanese. On the other hand, Chinese girls, Japanese girls, South-East Asian and South Asian girls are far more open to the idea of dating outside of their race and culture. So I think this article misses the point slightly when it conflates the dating preferences and behaviours of Korean women with those of “Asian” women in general. Attitudes towards white people differ markedly across East and South-East Asia, with Koreans being rather unimpressed by Western culture, Chinese and Japanese respecting it, and Filipinos and Thais pretty much inundated in it.

    Secondly, there is a definite cultural preference for light skin, not just in Korea but across Asia – including places as far afield as India, the Middle East and Indonesia. Even though East Asian women may not have an actual preference for men of European ethnicity, they do prefer men to be light-skinned. Many women will not even consider you romantically, regardless of whether you are tall and handsome or otherwise, if you have dark skin. In Northern Asia, women hesitate to even become romantically involved with South-East Asians and some Southern Chinese men, due to their darker complexions, let alone men from South Asia, Africa and Latin America. Even in SE Asian nations like Thailand, women often look down on men of “darker” ethnicities – including South Asians, Burmese, Cambodians, Malays and Filipinos. So being European may not be a benefit in and of itself, but being light-skinned is a definite benefit. This benefit also applies to light-skinned Turkish, Arab, Persian, Hispanic and Northern Indian men. But White and Northern Asian men will always be favoured – perhaps Northern Asian men more than Whites, but being White is still better in this context than anything apart from Northern Asian. A Korean guy I once knew in New Zealand said that his (rather racist) parents put it this way – you can get rid of Caucasian genes in one generation… darker traits take 3 or more to disappear.

    A close female Chinese friend in Australia put it this way – she said that Asian girls in general do not actively “prefer” White men, but they consider White and Asian men (of their respective Asian ethnicity) to be equally good. Men of other ethnicities less so. There are also some Westernised Asian girls who do actively prefer White men, due to their immersion in majority White societies and standards of beauty. In addition, many Asian women are distrustful or even scared of non-White foreign men, due to their mostly negative depictions in the Western and global media – Black men as violent thugs, Middle Eastern men as terrorists, Indian men as rapists, Hispanic men as drug lords, etc., whereas White men are often portrayed positively or neutrally in Western media. These regions are also portrayed as existing in states of extreme poverty and with a severe lack of sanitation, creating the impression in East Asia that these people are inherently “dirty” and uncultured. Especially in Japan and Korea, non-Christian/Buddhist foreigners are considered to be devotees of backward and dangerous ideologies. The fact that Western nations are wealthy and peaceful is taken as a sign, in the meritocratic societies of East Asia, that White people are also inherently intelligent and hard working, when compared with other foreigners. Non-White foreign men in places like Hong Kong and Singapore are often stereotyped as low-class labourers and service staff – professions which people in these societies look down on. Thus, as far as foreigners go, White men are seen as the most harmless and safest choice, with an acceptable culture and system of values. The language barrier is the only problem, but most people in East Asia are more accepting of and willing to communicate in European languages as opposed to other languages (including nearby Asian ones) – and if you are a White man who is willing to learn the local language, things become a lot easier.

    So while you aren’t entirely incorrect in your point that Asian women don’t necessarily fall over themselves for White men, you guys are definitely at the very least equal to Asian men in most Asian countries, and occasionally even have it easier. Your experiences in Korea – the only country in Asia where most women would never consider an inter-ethnic relationship of any sort, should not be extrapolated to represent the experience of a White man in East or South-East Asia. Talk to Black, Indian or even SE Asian men in East Asian countries, and you’ll realise that good looks and personality are not always good enough, in what is essentially a collection of some of the most superficial, judgemental and image-based societies on the planet. Even if they are attracted to individuals as you say, being dark almost always disqualifies you – unless you’re lucky enough to find one of the few women who are entirely unaffected by the prevailing notions of beauty, culture and acceptability in their society and don’t care about what their friends and family might think – these women are obviously few and far between in any society, not just in Asia.


    1. I think I agree with you. This article definitely conflates Korean women with Asian women. Of course, when an Asian women reads this articles she’ll agree with my points because everyone is an individual.


  23. Jayden Fong says:

    My experience in Canada is a little different where we do see a lot of white guys with asian girls and yellow fever is a thing. I hope that we all see each other as people and not as racial types.


  24. Anonymous says:

    When I was in Korea I had 5 dates a week after I had been there for 2 weeks, I managed to score a girlfriend in 1 month and some side ladies. Its all about attitude. Be confident, charming and a challenge. My philosophy is all women are the same, from Timbuktu to Taipei. David DeAngelo, Doc Love, all the pick up artists say the same thing, challenge, challenge, challenge.


  25. argaluza says:

    I know I am a bit late to the party BUT what a superb post. Full of truths, I hope you are happy and in a contented relationship, I am going to check the rest of your blog to find out.


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